Overheard in Dublin recently, a group of women were discussing in jest what men do that drive them mad. So I decided to conduct my own little survey and to see what women do that drive men mad!
It was a task in itself narrowing down the list, but here you go.
Ps. don’t shoot the messenger.
1. Fake Tan:
“Oompa loompa doopity doo….”
The smell alone is wretched and yes we know that there are odourless options out there but no matter how much or how little is applied, fake tan looks awful. Granted, if the Oompa Loompa look is your thing then knock yourself out but I’ve yet to see an application of fake tan that doesn’t have streaks or doesn’t have darker patches in certain areas than others. All of this coupled with leaving the bed sheets looking like you’ve soiled them (I’ve enough of that with three kids) makes this one of men’s biggest bugbears.
And don’t get us started on that big oven mitt application glove-thingy that women use. Men run a mile whenever they see their partners approaching them with it.
2. Too much make-up:
The words make-up and chisel should never appear in the same sentence so ladies remember this when you are applying your new face. Ask most men and they’ll all say the same thing, too much make-up is a turnoff.
What’s more, men know when too much foundation or bronzer has been applied and if we don’t we find out soon enough when half your face has dripped onto our clothes. Less is more.
3. Too much perfume:
Perfume is not mosquito spray and thus shouldn’t be applied in the same manner (the same goes for men by the way).
If you notice a lot of people sneezing around you or you see birds flying into walls as you walk by, it’s usually a sign that you’ve been overly zealous with the fragrance. #OooDeParfum
4. Taking an age to get ready:
This goes hand-in-hand with all of the above. We all know that women enjoy getting ready for a night out – and who would ever deny them that – but when the getting ready part ends up being longer than the actual night out itself, ladies it’s time to have a good look at yourself in the mirror. Not literally of course because that will take you even longer.
As I write this, I’m sure there are men all across the world crying with frustration at how long their partners are taking to get ready. Likewise, I’m sure that there are men fretting in bars/restaurants thinking that they’ve been stood up solely because their date – who has tried on 99 outfits – hasn’t turned up yet. What’s more is, when they do finally turn up, the ‘oh thanks, I just threw this on’ post-compliment comment is one that I always enjoy.
It’s the equivalent of a body-builder saying that they were born like that.
5. The Drama Queen:
Picture this, a woman takes an age to get ready (shock horror). When they finally come downstairs to their now half tipsy ‘I had nothing else to do while waiting’ partner and they ask said partner, how they look, most woman will get the ‘Yeah lovely, grand, now come on will ye’ response.
What follows is spectacular fallout – “Oh is that all you can say. Does it not look that well on me or something?” This is then usually followed by “I’m not going anymore. You can go by yourself!”
The next half hour typically involves a grovelling man complimenting his partner on their amazing tan, their amazing make-up, their gorgeous fragrance (magpie just hits the window) and their amazing
Whether it’s clothes strewn across the floor, coffee cups on the bathroom sink or wet towels on the now wet carpet, messy women you are the worst. This coupled with the double standard of giving out to us men for being messy really takes the biscuit.
My gorgeous darling wife is a brilliant cook but she isn’t half messy and I mean throw a grenade in the kitchen messy. I have the luxury of tucking into delicious home cooked meals most nights but I won’t lie, this luxury comes with a sprinkling of apprehension knowing that over my shoulder 300 pots and pans are winking at me to be washed.
By the way…I know women will fire this one right back at me as men are notoriously messy – maybe I’m the exception.
7. The Double Standard:
Hmm, this was very
unpopular one among the list of dozens (honestly) and I experienced a dose of DS recently. I’ve been accused in the past of always wanting to meet up with friends when we go out as a couple (I’d call this socialising but apparently it’s not). Anyway, we headed out for a date night a few weeks ago only for us to ‘bump’ into numerous friends of my wife following a’ random’ suggestion – from her – that we go to a certain bar before our meal.
What a coincidence.
8. Back seat driving:
Men just love being told how to drive while they are driving. It’s so relaxing, it’s so much fun and it’s not one bit irritating….said no man ever.
To this day I’ve have never heard a woman tell another woman how to drive while said woman is driving. I don’t know why but I could hazard a guess. #HandbagsAtDawn.
Again I know, men do this…a lot.
Man: What would you like to watch tonight?
Woman: I don’t mind, you decide.
Woman: No I don’t like that.
Woman: No I don’t like that either’
Man (fake-smile): Sure, you choose…
You get the picture.
10. Big Sunglasses:
Why oh why?
You are not Jackie Onassis. You are not Audrey Hepburn. You’ve just spent 18 hours getting ready to go out and then you cover your entire face with massive sunglasses.
11. Talking or making noise when watching TV:
Apparently, this is another huge pet hate for men and I’ll be honest, one that I didn’t think irritated me until opening sweet wrappers or eating crisps became a thing to do during the climatic scenes.
That or intermittent talking during a movie has caused heartache for men for years. Nowadays the endless pinging and vibrating of Whatsapp enabled phones has men’s veins popping throughout every scene.
Call us grumpy if you like, but we won’t hear you over the noise of the sweet wrappers.
Dolly was first cloned in 1996 and since then it looks like women are cloning themselves on a regular basis. Walk into any coffee shop or bar and you’ll see 15 of the same girl (not that I’m looking of course). Whether it’s UGGs and leggings or LBDs and 50-inch heels, more and more women are looking like each other.
This point was mentioned by every man I questioned so apparently we respond to individuality. You are beautiful, naturally, just go with your own look and you will stand out from the crowd.
(Written by the most unoriginal man ever).